I was listening to a TED talk on loneliness this week by Baya Voce. She stated that the need for connection is wired in our DNA, and loneliness is a signal to our brain that something is wrong. Baya Voce went as far as declaring loneliness a public health crisis. That’s a strong statement. When you consider the statistics, she may be right.
One in five Americans suffer from loneliness. One in five!
There are about 250 million Americans over the age of sixteen, which means there may be at least 50 million Americans struggling with loneliness. This is shocking, especially when you consider that 50% of the adult population is married.
Loneliness is not a singleness problem. It’s a cultural problem.
Regardless of whether or not you would classify yourself as struggling with loneliness, you feel it. We all feel it. We are more connected than ever through technology, but at the same time we are more disconnected than ever.
Technology has provided the illusion of connectedness.
We are following hundreds of people, and when we click “follow” we hope they return the favor. We know what they are doing on their Saturdays. We know what they eat for lunch, whether or not we care. We may know what their political opinions are. However, we don’t really know them.
We have watered down connection.
An Instagram comment on one of our photos makes our day. A friend who adds us on Facebook brings a smile to our faces. A LinkedIn profile view generates a feeling of value.
But Carter — those things may be true, but I am connected to my coworkers. I am connected to my classmates. I am connected with those in my yoga class. I am connected to my social circle.
The majority of people are either connected to classmates or coworkers. Many people are connected to an organization, religious institution, health and fitness program, or community events. And most people would say they have friends. However, twenty percent of the population is lonely. Why?
Connectedness is thought to be developed through common interest, and though common interest may connect people it isn’t enough to dispel loneliness.
Loneliness is the feeling of isolation.
It is the feeling of walking the road of life alone, and though you see and even interact with others along the road, it seems as if you are heading toward different destinations.
Therefore, the way to combat loneliness is to connect around a common pursuit.
It is walking down the road with people of many different interests, but the same destination. This is the type of community desired by every human heart. And the challenge is, this type of connectedness requires a commitment by the entire community to walk together.
Loneliness is not a singleness problem. Loneliness is a community problem.
Loneliness is feeding our culture of triableness and division. People in their loneliness are connecting with others around the common pursuit of destroying the oppositional views, organizations, or parties. Behind the veil of our current cultural climate is the pain and result of loneliness. Loneliness lacks trusted relationships. When your relationships are not built upon trust, then not only do you feel alone, loving your neighbor who is different from you feels like a threat. Your neighbor, if they oppose your views, must be rejected not loved.
Loneliness is the match igniting the division in our society.
The advancement of covenantal pluralism and love for neighbor today looks like addressing loneliness.
Do you long for a more honoring, considerate, and loving society?
Do you long for civility and the ability to disagree with respect?
Be proactive and address loneliness in your community by intentionally gathering people to pursue loving your neighbor whatever their views may be. Be the voice of respect and curiosity when confronted with opposing views and beliefs. Be the person who shows dignity to all. Be capable of validating the feelings of a person, even when you disagree with the opinion of that person. This is what it means to love your neighbor, and this is what invites people out of isolation and into relationships of trust.
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